she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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