I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
