I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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