pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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