great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
