I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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