That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
