Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
