The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
