i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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