just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
