conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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