I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
