I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
