Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
