I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
