wrigley field is MILF paradise
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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