Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
