I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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