I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
