i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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