Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
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