i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
