Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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