She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so let's talk penis.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
