I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He felt like a one man threesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
