SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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