Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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