From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
