it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
