i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
