i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's always time for handjobs
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
