Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
