He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
