remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
