What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
