do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
