dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
