I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, beer. Big fan.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pour the whiskey from now on
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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