as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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