Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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