I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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