His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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