Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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