The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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