She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
one might say we're banned from that church
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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