I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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