He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
