i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
