I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
