I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
