Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
