just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
