There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
