toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
