It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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