I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
