i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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