So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
