so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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