well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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