I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I just sharted jello shots
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