Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
