Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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