i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
