Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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