Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
