I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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