did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
