Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
