Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
