Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
