So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
