Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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