waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
