thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
