There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
