Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
