don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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