i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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