Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
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My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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