There is no way he is gay with that hair.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
