This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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