in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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