I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
