She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
