I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
