All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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